Woman B: Yes, I don’t really experience romantic or sexual attraction toward people, so I also identify as asexual. Asexual [would be if I weren't] physically attracted to women. It's like asking someone allergic to chocolate if they miss not having it. Woman A: When I was 8, I started to pine after my best friend. I had butterflies for every Valentine's Day chocolate box he'd hidden in my desk when his friends weren't looking. I never mention my lack of regard for their emotions due to the shortage of mine, but I tend to drop hints and hope they save themselves. Right now I’m in the "fine" stage but who knows where I’ll be in a few years. Woman A: Romance is a lot of compromise and consideration.
I think the difference is mainly in sex and that type of human connection. I went to sleep every night wondering what it'd be like to hold his hand and begging the universe to have him pass me more notes in class. On the day after my birthday, I stopped talking to him. My ex-partner — who's very smart and has gotten to know me better than I know myself all on his own — never mentions my indifference to emotional stuff. I have a lot of healthy friendships right now and that is what makes me feel the most fulfilled and happiest. It's not like I went from feeling stuff to not feeling stuff and can compare the two. I get up, work out, go to work, and then am either alone for the evening or hanging out with friends or with a girl I am hooking up with. I like guys that are so comfortable with being, they make me — someone with really good posture after years of ballet — sort of sit into myself and forget I'm even sitting. I don't like having to put up with people's insecurities. I don't mind having someone sit next to me, but I start to get itchy when it becomes obvious they need my attention, praise, or time. Woman B: Caring for people or really intense care for one person. I know I need validation, but too much of it upsets me.
They’re not choosing to repress sexual feelings for others because they don’t have anything to repress. And it’s possible to be demisexual and sleep with anyone who is willing.
Furthermore, demisexuality says nothing about who a demi has sex with, or if they even have sex at all. Demisexuality is only about the circumstances where one can experience sexual attraction, not about sexual activity.
Okay, so they’re only sexually attracted to people that they love? Something purely platonic might still be capable of triggering sexual attraction.
How long does it take a demisexual to develop sexual attraction after forming the emotional bond? Many demis say that it can take anywhere from months to years to come about. It’s not like there’s a chess timer that starts ticking the moment you meet someone, and if you don’t feel sexually attracted to them by the time the hands go all the way around, you’re not going to. It’s not about what someone does, it’s about what they feel.
The ace umbrella encompasses asexuals, as well as people in this gray area.
If an asexual has sex, they’re an asexual who has sex, not a gray-asexual.
If an asexual masturbates, they’re an asexual who masturbates, not a gray-asexual. Is it clear where you fit if you’ve only felt sexual attraction once in your entire life, then never again?
My one coworker who's had a massive crush on me insists I'm a sociopath. I never act or give the impression I want something long-term. Woman A: Like I said, there was never a verbal exchange. There's the guy who still feels like a stranger to me but for the last nine months has been my go-to for gallery openings, movies, food dates, etc. And most importantly, there's the ex-partner I still text and is (maybe) the reason I maintain distance with everyone else, but is also someone I don't want to have to see in person. When they offer me their card and I SUPER POLITELY, gently, innocently, shake my head and decline, everyone on the train will look at them with distaste and then I know I've won.
He's working toward his Ph D so I think he knows his shit. It's hard to describe a feeling you've never had before or understand. While I've only had one partner, I have dated and gotten dangerously close to other people. I don't like him, but I definitely love him in the "let me take care of you, you need me. Woman B: Sometimes feels hopeless, sometimes feels fine.
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Many times, demisexuals and gray-asexuals will even identify as asexual or something like “asexual with an exception”.